Tech Support for Wife 1.0
Disclaimer: The following is just for fun. Those lacking a sense of humor should stop reading now.
The following was inspired by a similar dialog that found it’s way into my email inbox. If you google ‘Husband 1.0′ you will find about 20 different versions of it. The ‘original’ lacks that written-by-a-true-computer-geek flavor, so I had my own go at it. So without further ado, here’s my take on what it would sound like it you could contact tech support for your spouse:
Dear Tech Support,
I am writing regarding Wife 1.0. A while back I upgraded from Girlfriend 5.0 to Wife 1.0 and with the exception of a sudden system conflict with Motorcycle 2.0 (which had to be uninstalled), I have been running Wife 1.0 for some time now and am very happy with it’s overall performance. However, I have noticed that as time has passed there have been some odd changes in it’s behavior. For instance, anytime I open SpareTime 6.3, Nagging 5.2 launches automatically. Also, when I click on the icon for Spare Cash Manager, Home Redecorator starts up instead. House Cleaning Suite 2005 (Dusting 1.0, Laundry 2.0 and Dishes 4.1) will still run, but will be accompanied by a strange sighing sound that occasionally rises to a scream. They also seem to require more work on my part than to get the same results than when I first installed Wife 1.0.
A bit after installing Wife 1.0 I heard about the TickingClock virus, so I downloaded and installed Kid 1.0 and later upgraded to Kids 2.0. This caused an unexpected rise in the volume on my system, in fact the only time my system is actually quiet anymore is when it is in sleep mode. It also caused my system to become sluggish—It definitely takes longer to get the same work done. This is compounded by the fact that Kids 2.0 is constantly interrupting me with dialogs requesting permission to do this or that. Since upgrading to Kids 2.0, Wife 1.0 has occasionally experienced a crash resulting in the BSOD (Blank Stare Of Death). Sometimes before this happens, I get an error message popup that reads “System resources are overloaded, consider upgrading to Maid 1.0. Wife 1.0 will now quit.”
What can I do to resolve these issues?
-Helpless Husband
Dear Helpless Husband,
Be advised that we are aware of a conflict between SpareTime 6.3 for men and House Cleaning Suite 2005 for women. We DO NOT RECOMMEND running SpareTime 6.3 while any part of the House Cleaning Suite is running. Doing so will likely cause your system to generate a warning dialog. To keep Nagging 5.2 from launching automatically in this circumstance, you will need to download LookBusy 1.0, a free program that mimics some of the subroutines of House Cleaning Suite to avoid causing Nagging 5.x to launch. We are sorry for any inconvenience this may cause.
Home Redecorator is actually a virus that attaches itself to SpareCash Manager and attempts to redirect your spare funds to another account. Be sure to run your anti-virus software and apply patches against the DIYchannel virus and the ExtremeMakeoverHomeEdition virus. Then delete SpareCash Manager and re-install it. Then change it’s name to something else like Woodworking Tools Instructions.pdf and you should be fine.
While there is a known issue with all versions of the Kids application and system volume, users have told us this improves with in time. As a short-term solution, you might try uploading Kids 2.0 to a friends system on the same network to see if this helps. This may temporarily cause the same volume problems on their system, however.
We hope we have addressed all your concerns. Please be assured we value you as a customer,
-Wife 1.0 Tech Support
